Bed rest

So…..I’m on bed rest. For five months. The rest of my pregnancy.

I have a pretty active imagination when it comes to health issues, but I never imagined I would be here.

Apparently, my body is trying to push this baby out several months early. My condition is known as cervical incompetence, which according to my friend Nancy, is one of the worst names ever for a medical condition (followed closely by irritable uterus).

So here I am, in bed. All day every day. Whee.

One of the strangest aspects of this situation is that being on bed rest for 5 months is just about the best possible outcome, because that means the baby will be full term. So, erm, I’m hoping to do this for 5 months?

I vacillate between gratitude and frustration right now.

I’m frustrated at the way my relationships with Ian and Paul are changing. I want to hang out and play with them again. I’m frustrated that my plans for fall are gone  — the zoo trips, playgroups, hockey games, and concerts I pictured in my mind are all gone. I’m frustrated that I’ll spend my favorite month, October, indoors in a bed. I’m frustrated that I can’t control my household OR my own body (and I’m a control freak).

At the same time, I have a lot of gratitude. I am so thankful that this baby has decided to stay put for now. I am thankful that I did not find out about this condition the way so many women have, by losing their babies at 20 weeks. I am thankful that I have a team of doctors willing to fight for my baby’s life. I’m thankful to have friends and family who have shown an incredible willingness to help.

And…. this is hard. I keep hearing things lately about adversity bringing me closer to God or helping get to know myself or refining my character, but I’m still waiting for that to happen.