Last week I returned the hospital grade breastpump.
[Big exhale]
I am finally, finally done pumping milk for Ian.
No, I didn’t make it to the 12-month mark, but I’m proud of how long I did pump. After Christmas I started to realize that it was time. I was mentally and physically ready to stop, but I hated to stop giving Ian my milk while I still had it. I prayed about it, asking God to decrease my supply if it was His will for me to stop. And guess what — he did! I just had to ask. 🙂
I feel like I learned a lot on this 10-month journey. I’m hoping that if I share a few of the highlights (and lowlights) of my experience, someone else in a similar situation might benefit.
Thoughts about nursing:
1. The football hold is awful. Maybe it worked for some of you, but I just didn’t have the arm strength. Apparently, though, that is the nursing position they show moms who have had c-sections, because they think the cross-cradle position will be too painful. Cross-cradle worked MUCH better for us, though.
2. I wish I had gone to an International Board-Certified Lactation Consultant as soon as I found out Ian wasn’t gaining enough weight. I had a very kind “lactation consultant” at my pediatrician’s office who helped me during Ian’s first visit there. She was great, but after several visits I basically was told that Ian wasn’t nursing properly and there was nothing to be done. Once I finally went to the IBCLCs at A Mother’s Place, they were able to show me how Ian had a very, very weak suck and help me take steps to fix it. Ian was four or five months old at that time and was no longer interested in nursing; if we had gotten help earlier, we might have been able to continue nursing.
3. I wish I had gone to an IBCLC even after Ian was gaining weight when I had an inkling that nursing still didn’t feel right. I didn’t think nursing should have been taking 45 minutes to an hour once Ian was 6 weeks old, but I didn’t know what else to do since my pediatrician’s office seemed to think everything was fine. I think my policy for any future kids is to do a check-up at a lactation clinic no matter how things are going, just to keep things on the right track.
3. I wish I had used a habermann bottle (a.k.a. Medela special needs feeder) when we started supplementing Ian with pumped milk. Yep, they are really expensive, but I think that if we had tried this bottle earlier, Ian might have been able to nurse. Once we did start using the habermann on the recommendation of the lactation clinic, Ian learned to suck the correct way. He went from taking an hour to drink 4 ounces to taking 10 minutes.
Side note about the lactation clinic — they were incredibly helpful, but I also had to take some of their advice with a grain of salt. A consultant told me that my baby had severe musculo-skeletal issues the first time I went there. Um, no, he’s fine. Just stubborn.
I switched to pumping part-time when Ian was two or three weeks old and not gaining enough wait. Eventually he refused to nurse altogether, and I switched to pumping full-time when he was about four months old.
Thoughts about pumping:
1. HOSPITAL PUMP. HOSPITAL PUMP. HOSPITAL PUMP. Yes, I really needed a hospital-grade pump to keep up my supply. A Medela Pump-in-Style was great for pumping part-time, but it really didn’t do the job for me when I switched to full-time pumping. The hospital pump also was much gentler on my very damaged (from baby and the other pump) skin.
2. I pampered myself and bought a pretty nursing cover. I was sad that I didn’t have a reason to get a fun Bebe au lait cover, and then I realized that it could come in handy while pumping. I finally bought one a couple of months ago, and it made pumping at the airport and in the car much easier (yes, you read that right — I used an inverter for power and pumped in the car – now that’s my idea of fun! [/snark]).
3. I valued my visits to the IBCLCs even after I switched from nursing to pumping. While we waited and hoped that Ian would decide to start nursing again, the kind ladies at A Mother’s Place helped me increase my milk supply with herbs and pumping schedule and techniques. Their firm devotion to breastfeeding encouraged me to keep going.
5. I had some other great people to encourage me, as well, and that made a huge difference in my attitude. My husband was amazing while I was pumping, helping out around the house and playing with Ian while I sat in front of the breastpump. My pediatrician was very encouraging as well, urging me to keep pumping while protecting my own sanity. I also was lucky enough to have several friends who had pumped for varying amounts of time, and hearing their stories really helped keep things in perspective (Sarah, Ariana, Katie, Nancy, y’all rock!).
Lest this post sound whiny and regretful, I want to emphasize that I am grateful for my experience in all of this. I am so, so grateful that I had any milk to give my son in the first place, and I am grateful that I was able to pump for so long and receive so much support. Yes, I wish I had been able to nurse my son for 12 months, but I am grateful for what I was given.
I’m so proud of you, too! Ten months is awesome! Ten months of nursing would be hard, I think, but ten months of industrial strength pumping – amazing. We also loved the haberman (the mini one, of course), but even with it, Becca wasn’t able to nurse. I so wish that we had continued working with a “real” LC after Becca came home, especially since we only very rarely saw a certified one in the hospital – usually it was just a nurse that was pretty good helping moms and preemies nurse. In the end, though, I think Becca had enough to handle without my hounding her to nurse directly. But I still have lingering regrets and disappointments, too. But – bottom line – like you said, we worked hard to give our kids the very best start possible, and that goes a long way – for them and for us. And I’m pretty sure our kids love us anyway. Way to go, sister!
I admire you for sticking with that for so long. I returned the hospital pump after 30 days and switched to the Pump In Style and I regret it. I pump just once per day and every day it gets harder. I am lucky; Cecilia will still nurse, but I now produce so little that she mostly bottle feeds (formula). I had grand plans, but poor positioning early on coupled with the issues of having a preemie just did me in. Luckily, she seems to be doing well. I still feel guilty about not being able to breastfeed for the four months I had planned.
Ten months is very impressive, and I’m so happy for you that you made it that long. The only time we had a successful nursing session was at A Mother’s Place, and it never clicked on our own.
I concur on taking the advice with a grain of salt – the lactation consultants at AMP were fantastic (excepting my experience with the inpatient LC, which was a nightmare) but they made some diagnoses out of left field. I just nodded and promptly forgot it. 🙂
Ah, the guilt…..that’s so hard, even when we know we’ve made the best decision for baby’s health and our health!
I think the other thing that was hard for me was understanding that everyone reacts to pumping differently. I had one friend who pumped 24 ounces three times a day. Another friend pumped 2 ounces with eight pumping a days. I could barely keep up with Ian’s demand, and that was after the IBCLCs helped me increase my supply with the hospital pump.
Having only my own 2 experiences to go on, I have been floored that you were able to pump for this long–what a blessing for Ian to have breastmilk for as long as he has. You know, since we’ve chatted about it many times, pumping was heartwrenching for me, and the giving up of it felt totally out of my hands and my control. My heart was breaking as my babies went to bottles, and I am SO GLAD it unfolded differently for you. You have worked hard and been blessed and Ian has benefited from it all, no doubt!
Amen and amen to your points. Football hold, impossible. Wishing someone had recommended that special needs bottle, esp. for my preemie. Would it have helped? Who knows…maybe. Hospital pump–ABSOLUTELY. 100% worth the rental fee, without a doubt. No sold-in-stores pump works if you haven’t a nursing baby (maybe a rare exception). Praise the Lord that He maintained your milk supply even while Ian has been off the breast for so long.
Mine are 2 and 3 now, and the strange thing is, I still have to mostly keep my mind from dwelling on those days. I can’t be there without those feelings of guilt, inadequacy and lonliness (as in “I’m the only mother who can’t accomplish this”) threatening to creep in. We’ll see what the Lord has in store for my future babies and their nursing stories…but good for you, and for your husband and his support. Go and BE FREE! 🙂 (And re-claim HOURS of your day.)
And this is interesting–I’ve noticed w/ Will, when he drinks out of a straw (he’s 2) he absolutely FLATTENS the straw. This is exactly what I, along with the lactation consultants we gave hundreds of dollars to :-/ noticed as he nursed two years ago. He would flatten the nipple, and as you can imagine, this resulted in deceptively long nursing sessions. I would nurse for an hour, shake my head and think “He *has* to have gotten enough by now” and watch him lose weight. Ah, the tears…Well, watching him now, I feel a teeny bit better about my efforts and the fact that he at least bears *some* of the blame for our troubles 🙂
Yes, Sarah, I still have to avoid thoughts of those early days as well and focus on gratitude for today!
Hurrah! I’m so glad you were able to do this for so long. And the sweet time Ian got with Daddy must have been beautiful to watch too. I’m glad we got to visit before my world turned upside down. Now I know why I wasn’t feeling up to much! No mommy guilt. You gave your very best to that little man and he turned out just great.
Being an old lady, but still able to remember those early days of caring for babies (though they are more than 30 years ago!)I have tears in my eyes after reading your stories. I am sorry that you all had such struggle, but I am proud of all of you. You made your dicisions and looked for help with your baby’s health and well being in mind. You are all to be honored for that. Do not dwell on the past. None of us can go back! Just hug your babies and keep on being the wise and caring moms and women that you are. All you have to do it look at your growing, happy babies to know that it has all been worth it and that the joys to come will abound. … and know that you all have old…I mean mature…oh whatever… women in your lives who are also willing to help, love, encourage, and never judge – because we love you! And I have to say – thanks for being the fabulous moms that you are.
Sorry, Christy – I forgot to sign….the previous was from me – Kaye