Drained

Honesty time, friends.

I am so burnt out on being a mommy right now. I love, love, love my boys, but in my current state of fatigue I am a mediocre mama.

I’m a workaholic in most aspects of my life, so this is what I do. I work and work and work without taking enough time to replenish myself. Eventually, I run dry.

Over the past few years I’ve been learning how to take care of myself so that doesn’t happen, but occasionally it still does. I have been doing fun things and taking breaks lately, but apparently I’ve missed the combination needed to keep me going.

So while the boys and I had a fun week that involved dirt piles, playgrounds, and friends, I was troubled by my lack of patience and the lack of mental presence.

My dear husband pointed out that being a mom (and being a parent in general) is one of those jobs where the boundaries get blurry about taking time off. It’s not like my old editing job where I could lock my computer and go walk around the building. Even when I am “off” on a date or a girls’ night out, I struggle to turn off the mommy center of my brain. I still worry about the kiddos and miss being with them. It’s exhausting.

So this week I’m doing what I can to be restored. I’m going to take some extra time for myself. I’m hoping to focus on quality time with the boys, not quantity — letting them play on their own much of the time, then focusing on REALLY being present with them and playing with them when they need me.

I also just realized that I’ve been neglecting my prayer life. I’ve been following a One Year Bible plan, so my scripture reading is better than it has been in a long while, but my spiritual energies have been focused on that rather than prayer and meditation. So there’s another area to get back into balance.

Darn balance. Never been a strong point for me.

Anyway, I’m hopeful about this upcoming week. I am ready to relax and enjoy my life and my boys again.