Friends Who Say No

In previous posts I’ve expressed my gratitude for all the amazing help we have received while I’ve been on bedrest. Our friends and family have carried us through this time with their assistance and prayers, and I am very thankful.

But there’s one aspect for which I specifically want to thank some of you….

Thank you for saying no.

Sometimes I ask for help, and you aren’t available. Perhaps you are taking care of your own sick child, or perhaps you have to work. Maybe you just need a day off. So you say no.

And I really, really appreciate it.

You see, in my current position, I have to ask for help a lot. I can’t worry and analyze whether the person I am asking really wants to help or whether they’re just being “nice” and will resent me for it later. The openness and honesty required for a friend to be able to say, “No, we can’t help you today” is becoming something I value more and more. Your willingness to say no gives me the space to ask for help freely, with no sense of obligation on either side — just compassion and community.

I think I place extra value on the willingness to say no because it is something at which I have never been very good. For most of my life I have tended to say yes when I didn’t mean it and become resentful, or — more frequently — just shut down and become unwilling to help in general because I couldn’t trust myself to set healthy boundaries with my decisions.

Seeing so many of you surround me with grace and love in both your “yeses” and your “nos” is an inspiring gift that I hope I treasure always. Thank you.