Okay, ladies, what’s your secret? Does an army of house elves clean your house every night? Do you plop your kids in front of a TV so you can fold laundry? How do you keep your home up and running AND find time to remember your name?
When I worked in the corporate world there were seminars and systems for being more productive. All I can think is that somehow I miss the seminar for stay-at-home moms. Maybe they forgot to send me a postcard.
Each day I have wonderful dreams of how much I will accomplish, only to fall into bed every night and wonder where the hours went. The laundry piles up, the floor stays dirty, and the cat has to wait one more day for a litter change. I mean, yes, the baby gets fed and nurtured, but that’s about the extent of my productivity. And I know the baby care is super important, but hey, so is having clean clothes.
There are temporary fixes, of course. I can hire some housekeeping help or let someone else watch Ian while I work. But I’m looking for a long-term solution in how I handle everyday life.
A few months ago I spoke with a friend who is one of those amazing, do-everything people. She owns a business and chairs a food bank and teaches piano lessons while taking care of three kids and maintaining a charming personality. I asked her how she manages to be so productive. Her answer? “You don’t want to be as busy as me.”
I think I may need a closer look at a saying I hear from time to time — Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides. That’s pretty much what I’ve been doing. I look at my friends who work outside the home or find time for lots of playdates or style their hair perfectly every day and wonder — how? How do they do it? How are their lives so perfect? And I miss the sacrifices they’ve made, the tough decisions they’ve fought through to keep the things that are important to them.
I guess I’m in that process, figuring out what goes and what stays.
But in the meantime…….spill it! Tell me your secrets for keeping your household sane.
I have a bad habit of trying to do too much on the weekends and then I crash and burn and can’t get it all done. I’m trying a new technique – I like coming home from work and just hanging out with the baby, but obviously nothing gets done that way. I’m doing one room a night – vacuum, dust, etc. and then using the weekend for the deep cleaning. So far it’s working. I’m also not beating myself up if it doesn’t get done.
I like to use a good baby carrier. I prefer ones like the Ergo or Beco; they are so comfortable and easy! But then I can still spend time with the baby and get stuff done since my hands are free.
Great ideas, you guys! Thanks!
I found I had to lower my standards. (Obviously! You’ve been to my house.) You don’t want DHS to come or anything but spending time with kiddo is important,too. Even now when I have a couple of days home alone, things STILL don’t get done. Check out this book from the library – Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley. She gives you a plan to keep things in order just a little bit at a time.
Second the above idea of adjusting your standards. In your first paragraph you pinpointed keeping your home up and running as the goal–not keeping it worthy of a Parade of Homes tour 🙂 For almost 3 years, I have been significantly ahead of laundry requirements once or twice. Usually someone makes do with a dirty item because I don’t recognize the need to do darks/lights/kids’ til it’s too late. Oh well.
Something else–what you’re capable of accomplishing around the house gradually adjusts upward as baby grows. It will adjust downward if you add another baby (like us!) but the last 6 months are not your “new normal”, they’re just a temporary normal. When baby can sit up comfortably in a pack-n-play and read or do a stacking toy, you’ll do the floor, or tidy the main rooms, or put away clean clothes. When he grows into 2 solid naps, yes you’ll be housebound, but you’ll know what you can expect.
Yet another thing! Husband. Every family structures its household in a way that works best for them–for my part, our floors would never, EVER be mopped and seldom swept if my gem of a spouse did not do it. I don’t demand that job of him, but neither do I mourn over my inability to get to it! He does it well and super fast, and it blesses us all.
I’m gonna look up that book, too. I love a good schedule!
My secret? I host MOMS club events. Then I HAVE to clean!! It gives me incentive to keep it clean too, which at my house means
putting things back where they go.
Sarah is right about the ‘this is not your new normal’ idea. Our house is getting more and more clean! I set aside a week day for cleaning and Cora doesn’t always like being ignored for a time, but I talk to her while I wash dishes, sweep up dust bunnies, and do the biggest chore (vacuuming) while she sleeps. She’s happy to chew on my tupperware while I am heaving laundry from washer to dryer and happy to unfold it for me if I sit on the floor and try to do it with her! Mostly she plays by herself for spells on chore day. However, I must say, this is a newer arrangement. When she was smaller, I just did enough to get by and used a lot of paper plates! A wise mom friend (Mary) told me to take the shorter of her naps for chores every day, and the longer for myself. Read, TV, sit in the sunshine, whatever fills my tank! That way I stay up on these things!
Babyproofing. Make the main areas of your home so babyproof that little man can hang out on the floor (practicing his crawling!) and you’re free to clean up around him. This may entail some major shuffling of furniture, storage areas, etc, but if you aren’t constantly chasing him around, you’ll be free to do some of what you need to do. I believe the entire Waldorf model of education is based on something like the child working alongside you, and a child’s play is his work. Get on your knees, see what he sees, tuck things away, out of sight and out of reach, and put little baskets or piles of his toys in each room. Tackle the big stuff while he’s sleeping (if you’re not – this is still a priority!). I’ve also reprioritized – I used to like to keep the bathrooms clean, but now they have fallen on the list b/c she doesn’t go in them (if I can help it – she’s sneaky!), and have bumped vaccuuming up on the list – b/c with the 2 dogs and her constant rolling, she is COVERED in hair every time I pick her up. Gross.
As someone else said, every family structures chores differently, but bring your partner on board here. You both work all day, and you both live in the house, so you both should have some responsibility. John tends to declutter and I tend to clean, b/c that’s where our priorities lie – but we both pitch in. Good luck! It does get easier!