I haven’t wanted to blog much lately, mostly because sitting with my back propped against pillows is no longer comfortable, and thus typing is no longer comfortable.
However, Nancy wrote this beautiful blog post that motivated me to respond and share. Today, November 17, is Prematurity Awareness Day, and Nancy details some of her emotions about having a micropreemie.
Nancy also touched on a topic that has been on my mind for several weeks, one that she and I discussed a little while ago.
I can’t protect my child completely.
I can forbid as many activities as I want. Require seatbelts, prohibit riding on ATVs, serve only organic food. I can make tons of rules, reasonable and unreasonable, and I can try to do everything “right,” but I can never fully protect my child.
Nancy posits that many parents live in a state of denial about this, thinking that nothing could ever happen to their child. But having a premature baby often makes parents “really, deeply, soul-rendingly aware” of how much is out of our control.
The complications I’ve been experiencing with this pregnancy definitely started me down this path of awareness, although I won’t claim to have the same experience as parents who have watched their babies struggle in the NICU. A recent accident involving a little boy who is a year older than Ian moved me further down the path…. I obsessed about the incident for several days as I struggled with the fact that loving, attentive parents who took their family out for a day of fun had their lives turned upside down.
As a parent, my vulnerability and powerlessness are absolutely terrifying. I mean, that’s scary stuff when it just involves me, but once my kid is involved….woah. Thinking about these things truly is heart-rending. The joy and the pain of parenthood combines to make me an absolute mess.
I don’t really have a conclusion here for this one. Just observations. And I guess my final observation is that I’m really not in charge. And overall, that’s a good thing. I want to take good care of my child, but I’m not supposed to be his Savior, anyway. That position has been filled.
So I guess I’ll let him play hockey. But only with pads, a helmet, and a mouthguard. And a full face shield. And only on a cushy, foam surface….
I think you have voiced the heart beat of many, if not all, parents. The hard part is to be in at my point in life, looking back and wishing I could change things. Not possible. We do the best we can. Then we realize that we have to trust that God loves our children even more than we do…and they are in His care, too. I am so thankful as a grandmom to know that my grandsons are in the loving care of a mom and dad who are not casual or thoughtless in the care of their beloved sons. Thank you for being a thoughtful, prayful, faithful mom for my grandsons.
Love you,
Kaye
Thanks for letting me know about Caleb – that sweet boy and his family. As much as it is a testimony that we are not in control, clearly God was in control every step of the way – including having a young EMT to run him up the hill and all the doctors and nurses to give him care in such an isolated spot. We are not meant to do this life alone. God gives us what we need to make it through. Love you and tender heart.
Christy:
On behalf of the March of Dimes- thanks so much for raising awareness of prematurity. At March of Dimes, we work hard every day to help moms have full-term pregnancies and research the problems that threaten the health of babies.
Amen, sistah. And your mother-in-law left the sweetest comment ever. I have I a hymn to share with you, but I don’t know where my hymnal is. Maybe Google “CHild of Blessing, Child of Promise.” It’s number 611 in the UM Hymnal, and many congregations sing it at baptisms. It helps me release some of the anxiety as I give my child back to God again and again.