The Discipline of Playing with My Children

Sometimes, I get so busy with laundry and dishes and general homemaking that I neglect playing with my kids.

When Ian was a baby, I read an article describing how parents playing with their children — putting the phone down, getting on the floor, and REALLY playing — makes an incredible difference in behavior. I consciously made sure to have focused playtime with Ian each day.

I continued this for awhile after David was born. I couldn’t really do much else with a newborn and a 2.5-year-old. They couldn’t play alone together or create their own games. So I played with them. We had dance parties and music time and block time. We had a blast.

Over the last few months, my boys have learned to play together. Some days, it’s a beautiful miracle. I love hearing them giggling and chatting. And I appreciate being able to sneak in a few extra chores while they play.

Then again, some days the boys play with legos while I do dishes, then play with friends at a playground while I chat with other moms. We do lunch and naps, and then in the afternoon they color while I fold laundry and watch Curious George while I check email. At bedtime I realize that I’ve neglected my children. Sure, they had a fun day, but they were missing something important — a present mommy.

So I’m trying to re-learn how to play with my children. Because while a clean house and clean clothes and healthy food are important, they pale in comparison to these beautiful, little lives that have been entrusted to me.

One thing that helps me find time to play is breaking my day into tiny chunks. If I think, “I should play with my kids this afternoon,” my mind starts protesting, naming all the chores that must get done. So instead I think, “I’ll spend the next 10 minutes focusing on my kids. Then I can get back to the housework.” Sometimes after that 10 minutes is up, I go back to the dishes. And sometimes I decide to keep playing. Later in the day, I’ll find another 10 minutes to play, and then another.

When I invest these little bits of time into my boys, I see them blossom. They are filled emotionally. Tantrums and mischief decrease, and I am able to really discover who these small people are becoming.

And so each day, ten minutes at a time, I am learning to play with my children.