So my plan to bounce back from bed rest has become more like wandering aimlessly in a direction generally away from bed rest.

I’m still attending hula hoop classes, which are mostly fun but occasionally discouraging when my muscles just won’t cooperate. We joined the Y last week, so I attended half a zumba class last Saturday. Yes, I only managed to wheeze my way through 30 minutes before deciding I better stop before I passed out. I called my friend Ariana in frustration and proclaimed that I am going to have to attend the “old people zumba class”. Yes, it exists, and yes, I’m really thinking I would benefit from attending. I had imagined doing some high intensity exercise 2 or 3 times a week and watching the baby weight melt away, but I think I need to revise my expectations.

I’m definitely struggling with my self-image. My body shape is very different than it has ever been. I’ve lost a lot of my baby/ bed rest weight from most of my body, but the pounds are clinging to my stomach. While I’ve definitely never had a washboard tummy, I’m used to being a curvy girl with a nicely defined waist. I guess I sorta still have a waist, but I’m quite thick around the middle right now. I feel totally shallow saying this, but it’s hard to look in the mirror and see something so different. Not to mention trying to find clothes that fit….my normal pants are too small, but when I try on a bigger size my pants fall off. Perhaps I need to make this the year of the dress.

The emotional toll of bed rest is still a challenge as well. Having a newborn is tough — often there are months of being a homebody, having little to no intimacy with one’s spouse, being exhausted all the time, and experiencing social isolation. The saving grace is that after two or three (or four) months, things start to get better and life falls into a new normal. But with bed rest preceding the arrival of the newborn, I feel like I’ve been in that tired, isolated place for, oh, say, seven months. And that’s hard. I miss my husband, and I miss hanging out with friends, and I miss……um…….my short term memory.

I don’t regret doing the bed rest. It’s totally worth it to have this amazing little baby. I know I am so lucky that my baby is one of the ones that made it. But gosh, you guys, this is hard.