“What will you do with all your time?”
That was the question I heard again and again last year as I found myself a stay-at-home with both kids in school.
Yet I didn’t feel like I had very much time. Between Bible study, classroom volunteering, and after school activities, I was booked.
This year, I’m taking it even slower
At first, I thought about adding more. And I have, in some ways. You’ll find me up at the school a lot. I’m working on awareness for some causes. I’m writing more.
But I’ve left out a few activities. While I thought about more volunteering, more blogging, more of everything this year, I decided against it.
You see, I need to take it slow.
I’m a workaholic. I’m capable of a focus and intensity that is terrifying to behold. And — I don’t want to invoke that thing in my life right now.
I’m choosing to take life slow, because that means I’m a nicer person to my kids. I’m not trying to shush them while I finish edits. I’m available to come to school events without resentment about what I should be doing.
I’m going slow because I’m more available for my friends, like when I needed to help a friend prepare for the arrival of her foster kids or when I got to meet a friend for breakfast the one day she was in town between moves.
Going slow is not particularly good for the ego. I’m no one’s savior, no celebrity, no parenthood powerhouse of crafts and activities. I can easily find myself in a crisis of purpose. I watch my husband work hard to make sure we eat, while I feel guilty about my leisurely schedule.
But it’s not about how hard I work or how much I add to my resume. It’s not even about how clean my house is (although there are days I will fight you on that one). Right now this season is about choosing sanity. Deciding how I can be a safe person for my kids, how I can be a whole person for myself.
I do not know what the future holds, whether I will be called to more work or to choose even less for my life. But for today I know that the quiet slowness is right where I need to be.
