Transitions

Closed is such a funny word. Closed. Closing. closed. If I type it enough it starts to look incorrect, like maybe it should be “clozed” or “cloased.”

Today is the last day of ghia, my store. I’m going to concentrate on being a full-time mom for awhile. Actually, I already was a de facto full-time mom, and the store as getting short shrift. So I’m closing it.

I’m excited to close it. I’m excited for the extra brain space it will give me. I’m excited that I will no longer have to do paperwork and taxes. I’m hopeful that I will become less likely to define myself by what I do and more apt to define myself by who I am.

I’m sad, too. Sad that I will no longer go on fair trade shopping sprees to find products my customers will like. Sad that something I worked so hard to create will no longer exist.

But the hardest thing for me is the change. I liked where I was before, and I like where I am going, but the journey can be quite rocky and painful. Closing the store today involves me clicking a button, but the emotional toll feels like 12 hours of work. I want to be done and through the process and in the happy fields of freedom, not on the foggy plains of transition.

This time is reminding me of when we bought our house. As we were leaving our apartment for the last time, I got kinda teary and wondered if I was ready to leave apartment life, despite the awesomeness of the house that was waiting across town.Of course I was excited about home ownership, but the finality of leaving the apartment scared me.

Transition really seems to be the word around here. Ian is transitioning to his big-boy car seat and stroller right now, and he’s also transitioning to somebody with teeth! That, too, is a bit stressful for me — when do we install his new seat? When do I put him in a restaurant high chair for the first time? When can he eat a teething biscuit?

So the moral of the story, kids, is that I don’t like change, even when it is good. But, as Relient K so eloquently puts it, “When the burden seems too much to bear, remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there.”